5 Thoughts on “Sh*t White Girls Say… to Black Girls”

We can spend days talking about what is racism. If its merely an attitude, discriminatory and restricting actions based on race or if its direct or indirect disrespect of another’s ethnicity? I know words are powerful and although I don’t believe in sugar coating language to make perpetrators comfortable, I do know that sometimes ignorance is not racism but neither is ignorance always not racism. So I define racism as a manifestation of any of the above.

I finally watched Sh*t White Girls Say to Black Girls by Franchesca yesterday. While it caused me to laugh, it also brought up memories, and then caused me to think a lot. As an African American woman, I have been quite annoyed at conversations with a few of my white friends. I have encountered the “can I touch your hair” and even the no need to tan “compliment”.

Each time I have either been annoyed, offended, or confused because I interpreted them as racist. Thats right, I said the R-Word! To those who believe that perhaps black women are merely being sensitive and white women are just being friendly and asking questions, let me explain my feelings and frustration through five ideas.

1) Racism can be masked under curiosity
While curiosity can be cute and even applauded, curiosity can simply be a justified opportunity to manifest intentional ignorance and outward racist ideas. People were curious as they witnessed black people being lynched, watched Saartjes Baartman aka Hottentot Venus being intensely objectified, and individuals even raped black women as an act of exotic(fication).

Some curiosities should never be satisfied. Black people are not mobile exhibits. No humans are. So NO, you can not touch my hair or rub my skin. I am human just like you. No different. There! Curiosity solved!

2) Comfort with a person doesn’t give you a pass to disrespect them racially
As people in relationships we all know there are limits to what can be joked about and what can not be. I have a friend who I know that I can joke on about anything other than her family. Another friend, I can not say anything about her weight. And another, I just cant say any jokes at all. Its a matter of respect. It’s also because people have emotions and feelings and things that are just too fragile to be discussed let alone be used as a punch line. Race and even perhaps class is one of them.

Earlier this week I read a facebook post by someone. The black individual posted that someone spent 89$ dollars but left a 5% tip for him at a restaurant. However, a few of his white facebook friends commented that they “bet they ordered chicken & waffles”. Perhaps it was an inside joke. But as I read it, I saw white friends who felt very comfortable with making racial and class jokes with an African American. But I believe that no one should ever feel comfortable enough to disrespect another person racially because the offense is never just restricted to that one individual, it applies to their whole race.

So as I read the comment it seemed as if he was suggesting that black people do not leave proper tips therefore they are cheap and that you can tell it was a black person because they eat chicken and waffles. I was offended. I don’t each chicken. And I leave proper tips. But more importantly, I was shocked that they felt comfortable enough to joke about it to their black friend and online for others to see.

3) Tact is a virtue
We should watch what we say and how we say it. That is something that my mother taught me as a kid. Knowing how to speak to people is truly a skill and a virtue. We all should learn how to.

4) True, sincere, and deep dialogue about race should replace the ignorant monologue
Lets replace all the statements that the white friend in the video feel comfortable with saying with a sit down conversation with her black friend. Let them exchange racial realities, discuss the impact and presence of racism, talk about privilege and sensitives, as well as the past, the present, and the future of race in this country.

These conversations are hard to have because they take honesty, vulnerabilities, truth, history, and intent for change. Short racial monologues take non-reflection, stereotypes, denial, and selfishness. These Monologues are easy. Dialogues are hard. But as long as we are comfortable with the easy, we will remain in a society that is drenched in racism but yet afraid to speak its name.

5) Know what Stereotypes are and understand how fallacious they are in nature
Stereotypes are illogic statements that are fallacious because they assume that what is true of one is true of the whole. To think that one part of a group is the same as all others in the group is erroneous.

The fallacy looks like this: Some New Yorkers are extremely wealthy and famous. I am a New Yorker, therefore I am wealthy and famous.

That statement is not only erroneous because I know what my bank account looks like. But also because there is not sufficient evidence to conclude that what is true of New Yorkers like Trump is also true of me.

To live a life and have an ideology that prides itself in believing that racial claims like this is true is not only racist but ignorant. Not all black people are poor. Just like not all Jews are rich. Not all black people are dumb. Just like not all Asians are geniuses. Not all black people can jump, are sexually endowed, or are criminals just like not all whites are the opposite. Maddolf is a criminal and Kevin Love can dunk. Lets all stop justifing the truth of such stereotypes by looking at TV or the internet or by the “all the people that you have met” standard.

People are individually distinct!!!! We are all unique and different although we may identify with a certain ethnicity. The sooner we recognize this, the sooner we will truly begin to see people, each person for who they really are and respect them as such.